So.......it's been awhile, I know. I have decided to try and post more frequently.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my name change...no, not from Floyd to Gomes, an even better one.
In my women's bible study group a couple of years ago we read an amazing book called "Hinds Feet in High Places". If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it. Short synopsis:
A sad, crippled girl named Much Afraid decides to follow the Great Shepard (AKA God). He
takes her on a long, treacherous journey up to the High Places. On this journey she encounters
her fears and her set backs, while learning a lot about herself and the beauty of the Lord. Long
story short, she completes the journey and changes into a new person. The Lord transforms her
from Much Afraid to Grace and Glory.
Throughout the study our amazing bible study leader, Ali, asked us to pray for our new name, but also wanted to know what our current name was...what did we call ourselves? Wow! How do I see me, how do others see me? I actually woke up on New Years day in tears (don't worry, that happened quite often then), and with an amazingly sucky light bulb.
Abandoned.
That's exactly how I saw (sometimes still see) myself. It started with my Grandparents. When I was young I had it in my head that they chose alcohol instead of me (and though it still burns, I understand that it is a disease). From then on I could see it with friends and family...even my mom, as completely unfair as that seems. Nobody stays, I'm not good enough for that. Or even worse, I knew that they were not going to stay, so I closed myself off so I didn't feel as much pain with the loss. But there was so much pain...there is so much pain.
As I worked through a lot of these encounters, I slowly realized that change MUST happen. In order for my growth there will be loss, there will be trials and there will be hurt. But, there will also be so much good! So many blessings. Every time I felt like I was "abandoned", the Lord showed me that this was not only an opportunity to grow in Him, but also a chance to look at things differently. I like the idea of seeing something and then moving to a different place to see it from a completely new angle. That's what I have learned to do. Change the angle, see things from a compeletly different perspective.
So, that's what I did. With that perspective change and the growth through my grievous journey, I learned my new name. No longer do I view myself as abandoned (most of the time), but as Loved.
I am surrounded by so much love - we all are! More than I can even ask for. Not only am I loved by those in my life, I am loved by those that I feel "abandoned" me! But, most importantly, I am loved by God.
I have a letter that my mom wrote to me when I was 8 years old, I'm not sure what she saved it for, but I didn't get it until she was gone. The end of the letter says "God is Love". She knew it, she just needed to get it through my thick skull. Damn, I love the shit outta that lady!
So, I challenge you...how can you change the perspective on your life? What will be your new name?
